I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
