In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
