I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the day after is always just damage control
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
