It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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