It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
