So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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