Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
