It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
