Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
