I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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