I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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