Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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