He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize