it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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