the condom got lost in my hair
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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