This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
vagina is talking i cant
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
