yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
