you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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