She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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