It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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