I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
