I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
