I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
