how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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