He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
