so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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