I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
