MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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