i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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