I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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