Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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