The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well I just put wine in my tea
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
