I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
