So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
