my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
