So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
