I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
