I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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