A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize