garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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