The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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