I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
