Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
