i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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