He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
