don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
