1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
