youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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