I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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