Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
