Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
