So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last time i carry you out of a forest
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
