By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
