My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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