I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
