Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
