first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had to cum in my sink.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
