the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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