Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
