My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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