need another drink. this is the easiest way
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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