I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the condom got lost in my hair
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
