In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
