Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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