K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I smell stomach acid.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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