i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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