Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
