You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
youre lurking in front of me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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