just come out here and I will go home with you...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
