none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
