Whoa Z and x make the same sound
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
