I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize