so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
