how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
