Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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