Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
