You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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