It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
