Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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