I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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