so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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