and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
someone owes me an orgasm
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize