What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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