So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
