You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
honey bunches of taint.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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