dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
