i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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