its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
