if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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