All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
