Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize