Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
