8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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