I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just found a bag of teeth...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
