I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
