Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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