my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
