So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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