I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
