I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
