wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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