I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
