i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
