Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
