There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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