The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
