New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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