Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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