"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
