i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
