she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
