we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
