The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
