Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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