do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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