You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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