i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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