actually, I'm a sock model
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
