I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
