All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
