watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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