We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
