its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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