he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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